I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
