my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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