Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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