I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
