Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
