I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
