Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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