May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
