Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
