She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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