remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Yo dont text me then not text me
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
