He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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