he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
