hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
