The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
