i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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