I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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