the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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