i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
