just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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