if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
