I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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