I wish I only lived at night.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize