Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
