Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
