I seem to have left my pride at pride
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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