There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
