; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
