super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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