do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
