Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
