there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
