I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
