I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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