no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
