Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
