I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
