he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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