if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
