it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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