I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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