So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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