I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
