There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
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