Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize