Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
