there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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