So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
