her vagine was all disorganized.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
