If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
