you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
