I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
