he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
