is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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