You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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