Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
