doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
