I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
