When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
