HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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