we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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