She's JV to your varsity
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Randomize
