About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
