Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
