Sponge bath it is.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
