her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
