I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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