it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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