Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Randomize