Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
